Dear Prof Brad,
I am Sum Jin Yao, your student from MEC1281 T6, I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic, with a diploma in Mechanical Engineering. After my National Service, I decided to further my studies in Mechanical Engineering program offered by Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT).
I am always a hands-on person, I like the process of brainstorming ideas for solution, it allows my creative to run freely. I am also intrigued by how things work and why did it works. I remembered when I was in preschool, my parents brought me lots of toys that required built from stretch. This could be the reason why I today I am still interested in mechanics.
I believe one of my communication strength is, I am not afraid to speak with strangers. I always believed that, I can learn something new from everyone, it could be their experiences, achievements or even their point of views. As a result, I tend to make friends quite easily.
I believe one of my communication weakness is, sometimes when I lack the vocabulary to express myself or ideas effectively. As my parents do not speak English at home, I lack the chances to practice using English. Sometimes, people could not fully understand what I am trying to convey to them, and could even leads to misunderstanding.
At the end of the course, I hope I would be able to express myself more freely and concise, regulate my ideas more fluently and lastly how to make a impactful short conversation. I hope with these improvements, I will be able to make an strong and good impression.
Yours student,
Sum Jin Yao
Thanks Jin Yao for the clear and concise self-introduction letter of yourself. Your letter is also backed up with concrete evidence. The letter also has a good flow to it, with good punctuation and sentence structure. Lastly, the letter is written in a formal and respectful manner, while still providing a thorough response where you successfully answered all the required key points.
ReplyDeleteThe letter has proper use of language and is clear and concise in stating strengths and weaknesses
ReplyDeleteI can really tell that your weakness is indeed in the language in terms of punctuations and use of vocabularies. I would suggest you to find a book of your interest and read them.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, your letter is clear. I can see why you are interested in the course. Your background is clear to me as well.
You provided examples to support your claims (eg how are you a hands on person and how are you lacking in English language), which is concrete.
If you are interested in mystery books, let me know. Peace.
The letter is clear and concise. Additionally, all the sentences are well structured. A clear and brief example is given at each key points.
ReplyDeleteDear Jin Yao,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this detailed introductory letter. You cover the parameters of the assignment and illustrate with example so that it is rather informative. I'm particularly impressed by your explanation of how you developed an interest in engineering. From your description, it is easy for the reader to imagine a young Jin Yao working diligently on Legos or some other device that required building.
You do a good job developing each segment of this post. However, in terms of language use, there are many issues to consider. I'd like to suggest that writing is not unlike the buidling of devices that you did as a kid. Words, phrase and sentences have to be 'constructed' as well. Let's get to it here:
1. sentence structure
-- I am Sum Jin Yao, your student from MEC1281 T6, I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic, with a diploma in Mechanical Engineering.
> (comma splice)
I am Sum Jin Yao, your student from MEC1281 T6. I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic, with a diploma in Mechanical Engineering.
-- I am always a hands-on person, I like the process of brainstorming ideas for solution, it allows my creative to run freely.
> (comma splice) ?
-- I am also intrigued by how things work and why did it works. > (word order) I am also intrigued by how things work and why they work.
-- I remembered when I was in preschool, my parents brought me lots of toys that required built from stretch.
> (Take note of the change I have made.) I remember that when I was in preschool, my parents brought me lots of toys that required being built from stretch.
-- I believe one of my communication weakness is, sometimes when I lack the vocabulary to express myself or ideas effectively.
> (When?)
I believe one of my communication weakness(es) is that sometimes I lack the vocabulary to express myself or ideas effectively.
-- and could even leads to misunderstanding.
> (What could lead to a misunderstanding?)
2. other errors
-- why I today I am still > (repetitive)
-- I believe one of my communication strength is, I am not afraid to speak with strangers. I always believed that,
> (punctuation, plural noun and verb tense)
I believe one of my communication strengthS is that I am not afraid to speak with strangers and that I can learn something new...
-- one of my communication weakness is, sometimes > ?
-- At the end of the course, I hope I would be able to express myself more freely and concise, regulate my ideas more fluently and lastly how to make a impactful short conversation. > (Let's talk abou this in class. Please remind me.)
Let's work to refine this letter.
I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Good day Jin Yao
ReplyDeleteThank you for the well-written letter. The letter format is all in place with the points all covered which makes the letter complete. On top of that, it was written clearly and was based with examples that were detailed.
Regards,
Nasrul